Concert Reminded a Listener of Clinical Death

My name is Irena, I’ve got a masters degree in psychology and pedagogy; when I was twenty, I had a heart attack when giving birth.
But the doctors didn’t take any action against it and so I left to the “other world”.

I am telling you what happened to me – I haven’t read Moody and I am not planning to because I don’t want to jumble my experiences together with what others have written about that.

I rarely talk about it, but I decided to make an exception today because, as Mr. Pfeiffer was producing those tones, I realized for the first time, forty years later, that I have heard them before – it was on my way to the other world.

In that tunnel?

That tunnel was sort of ... They say it is a tunnel but it is rather some kind of a ...

Space or how can it be called?

It is a path and first you can see your life passing as it was, but backwards, so your birth is at the end, and there is something resembling a sun that doesn’t beat down, doesn’t hurt and doesn’t do anything harmful but is rather gracious, very soft and tender, and it sort of speaks.

Does it ask questions?

It asks: “What is the worst thing you have done in your life?”
Me, I was twenty then and hadn’t done many bad things yet, but once I wanted to get my way, so I dropped a heavy thing on my sister’s leg.
And he said: “Is that all?”
And I answered: “I do not remember anything else, it’s probably all.”
And the sun started laughing very much, sort of vibrating as if your belly’s shaking when you’re roaring with laughter, so the sun started vibrating like that and said:
“And you think I was not there then?”
Which absolutely broke me.

Also, you have all sorts of feelings ...
this was, actually, the nicest of them but before that, I got it slightly mixed up, there was a feeling ... of your own nothingness and of something huge. That feeling is not very pleasant, but it doesn’t last long.
It is a sort of grace, tenderness and embracing; there are more qualities.

... A feeling of disappearing of oneself and losing oneself in this, some kind of great love. And that is pretty nice.

And the difference is actually something surprising for the man because he can actually see the mirror and can see how things really are and he sees that there is still ...

... and no one will ever tell you this, you don’t know what to expect, do you.

They say – no one has ever returned from there and so on, but we probably come from that exact space, that sun or that universe during our birth, we sort of tear ourselves away from it during our birth and return to it at our death.

But – as I say – most of those feelings are pleasant, but there are also those, like, other ones ... there is a sort of nothingness. Feeling of disappearing, of not being, of the end.

You are right, we have our loved ones, we have “one’s own” ...

Yeah, probably our ego is falling apart ...

... ego, feeling of “our own”.

... and you are staring at it – what now?

Exactly, what will happen?

Well, this is not that pleasant, this moment.

It will be better next time. :)

I think I will not return next time. I wrote it down and I carry the paper with me saying that I do not wish to be resuscitated, especially not with machines.
I don’t want to be connected to some machine and lie somewhere for half a year.
I forbade everybody to do that to me. And no resuscitation.
If it’s my time to go, let me go.
I don’t want to be stopped half way again.

You already know where you are going. It reminds me of that movie character in Pelhrimov or somewhere who used to go to have a look at his cemetery.

Yes, sort of.

... Well, and, as I said, forty years later I realized ...

I am telling my story for the third of fourth time, I rarely do so because not all of it was the easiest thing to share. When I imagine that I was giving birth ...

Well, and I was asked there, I forgot to say that earlier, whether I wanted to go back. Whether I wanted to go back or whether I wanted to stay there.
And I put the blame on the baby because in my childhood and teens I used to read a lot of novels, and in many of the stories the stepmother or foster parents behaved badly to the child who was not theirs.
So I said that I would have probably liked very much to stay but that I couldn’t have left the baby I’d just delivered in the hands of strangers.

And then, that something or someone which was speaking to me said:
“Well, return then.”

And then I finally woke up but the way back was something extremely terrible; that was the most horrible thing about it.
Because the doctors started reproaching me: “You don’t cooperate with us at all, you are just lying here, doing nothing.
You know that the head physician had to interrupt her holiday and had to come all the way to the delivery room just because of you”, one admonition after another, as well as, “we will report your behaviour to your GP.”
I will always remember those words.

So this was my welcome back, really very pleasant, I must admit.

But otherwise ... only Doctor Tolinger told me about my heart attack when he found a scar on my heart; those doctors still don’t know anything about it.

So the end was good. Thank you for sharing this beautiful, personal experience with us.
Thank you. Good luck and I’m happy to be able to produce sounds which you’ve heard there.
That is really nice. Thank you.

I would never have thought I could hear this music here today.
Because, in all those forty years after my experience, when I was telling my story, the thought never occurred to me that there was some music; it never came to my ears or mind or tongue.
But sitting here, I said to myself: “What is this, I have heard this before.”

Very good.

And I asked myself:
“Where could have that been?” – and then it came to me.

A beautiful story, thank you.